Good day to all. Here we are mid-week again. Today I just want to add a few words of encouragement to all - my mind has been going the past couple days.
There is so much going on in people's lives. Many have spouses that are ill and going through much. Many have lost loved ones or pets in the past months and year. Some are battling illness themselves.
December and the holidays are not for everyone! THAT IS OK!!!!!!!
I understand going through the holidays without those special someone's is awful. Over the years I have lost siblings, both parents, cousins, friends and my very special beloved husband. The FIRST is always the worst. They all hurt, but with love of family and friends the pain becomes a bit less. But there will always be a hole in the season.
I guess my advice is to just do what feels right for you. Don't let chaos take over - regain and control your life - turn chaos into calm.
Don't worry about the presents. It isn't about the presents - it is about the presence of love and hope in our lives. There truly is hope.
Grief and sadness are a given in this life on earth. It cannot be avoided. Yet, we can control how we let it affect us. If you do not want to celebrate - then don't. Don't be bullied into it either.
I choose to remember! Those memories take me back in time, if for just a moment, and to those dear loved ones that are gone. I feel like remembering and sharing keeps their light shining and alive.
I know not everyone is spiritual, and that is your private choice. I am - so I speak of God and faith often. I just feel I have something special in my life that no one take away, it is mine.
Christmas is much more to me than celebrations and gifts.
I also believe we should live the goodness and kindness each and every day. NOT just once a year.
I hope you feel like you can share here. I hope you each feel a bit of love and cared for here.
I wish goodness and happiness for all. If you feel sadness - reach out.
No matter how you spend December - try to make it a good month.
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Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill.... is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
Calvin Coolidge
Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire; it is the time for home.
Edith Sitwell
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I hope you all feel at home here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a wonderful day.
A very good message, Cheryl. Thankyou.
ReplyDeleteMost welcome.
DeleteThank you for this post today, Cheryl. Life isn't a Hallmark Christmas Movie; they're loved (I think) because we wish it was! My growing up family wasn't a Norman Rockwell picture, either, although my mom wished it was. There was one Christmas when the men drank too much, a fist fight broke out, and the next day my grandmother couldn't wake my mom up: she'd taken a bottle of sleeping pills. An ambulance was called. Sis, me and our younger brother were put on a plane to fly home and stay with family friends for awhile. Older brother got emergency leave from the Army and flew out to be with mom. It's not a memory I cling to, choosing instead to remember happier things. And I decided at 8 or 9 years old that when I grew up, my life would be better. It has been.
ReplyDeleteSuch good advice you've offered, Cheryl. One beautiful gift is this blog, where we pray for each other. Thank you again. --Elise
Great analogies - Not Hallmark or Norman Rockwell. They always turned out perfect!
DeleteOh what a memory to have as a child, especially at Christmas. That is heartbreaking. Yes, those are the things that belong in the dusty attic. Happier days stay forefront.
You seem to have made a lovely life for your children and I am happy you have that.
Thank you so much.
It took a lot of deliberate effort, Cheryl, and I'm in no way perfect myself, but created a HABIT of gratitude. It's cold here. Snow coming over the next few days. I have shelter, heat, plenty of healthy food [I'll go OT in a minute], warm clothes and hot water!!! Five things right there to be thankful for. That was all a lifetime ago. Big brother clung to the bad of the past until the day he died. Was bitter. Angry. Hadn't seen or spoken to our mother in a decade. And what did it get him? He died alone. Cut off from most of his family by his own choice. We can choose better. I said that years ago and he cut me out of his life. Might have been for the best?
DeleteFWIW I love your memories and stories. I'm grateful for all who were spared the turmoil of a childhood like mine, yet I still have GOOD memories, too, and your posts remind me of them. --Elise
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DeleteOh Elise, that must have been very traumatic as a child. Or any age for that matter, your mom must have been so distraught to want to do that with children to care for.
DeleteI'm like you, there was good and bad, some Christmases were glorious and I thought I had the best parents ever! But one time they got into a whopper of a fight at their restaurant on New Years eve. I was a little girl and was standing there like a frightened deer in the headlights as they argued loudly and dad started using bad very bad language, hurling a disgusting insult, I have no recollection of what the fight started with. A retired school teacher who had been very kind to me, she and her husband were in attendance. She asked my mom if she could bring me home with her, that no child should have to listen to that. My mom said, "no". So I was stuck with it. But it told me something as a child, that yes, it was that bad. Like I said though, other times were wonderful. I'll stop.
I do think those of us who have seen good and bad, maybe some bad that we shouldn't have seen or heard are truly more deliberate in our homes to keep those homes a peaceful and Christ honoring place.
This blog truly is a Gift.
Thanks for sharing Elise and being transparent. It's hard to know what to share or not to share isn't it?
(((hugs))) ~Amelia
Thank you, Amelia, and yes. I've never shared that before outside of the family, and even in the family we don't talk about it. Some things are best left alone. It came to mind today, because I know for some the holidays don't bring *good* memories, but that's part of why it's so nice to read about others' nice stories. (((Hug))) to you, too. --Elise
DeleteP.S. I'm glad you have some memories that make you smile too.
Exactly, Margaret. I feel the same. --Elise
ReplyDeleteMargaret, you hit the nail on the head. Laure
ReplyDeleteCheryl, You are our gift of friendship.
ReplyDeleteAaaawww - thank you my friend!
DeleteAmen to that, LaurieS.
DeleteThis time of year can be a time bomb. So much pressure is clearly evident; go here, buy this, bake more cookies, hang more decorations, did we get presents for the neighbors, and on and on it goes. It's almost enough to tip an unstable person over the edge. My dad was difficult to live with but there was no substance abuse. Cheryl, I always enjoy reading about your growing up years and what you learned from your parents.
ReplyDeleteCold but so glad to see the sun! The Farmer started on his walk with his flannel lined jeans and his heavy NRA shirt. Going to start laundry in a bit and do some household chores. The sun is showing up every bit of dog hair and schmutz we have tracked in.
I totally agree with Miss Elise...this blog is a wonderful gift.
Yes it can be a time bomb. I think we all feel it to a degree - and if you were already on an edge - well it could be too much. We need to go back to simpler times and just enjoying family.
DeleteThanks, I like telling my stories.
Yes, chilly, but not as bad as yesterday. I am over the stinking wind! Love the sun!!!!!
Thank you!
Margaret, thank you for speaking up. It may help someone else. It is sad that others can inflict such uncaring hardships on others and not even care - or even actually know they are. I have some in the family that are so self-centered and egotistical it isn't funny. I just stay away from them. Now and then I see something on FB from them about how family just doesn't care! REALLY? People can only take so much.
ReplyDeleteI love that you have a wonderful little family today that love you and that you love. That is special.
Amen! The greatest thing we ever did for ourselves? We gave up expectations. None. We do enjoy family gatherings so we attend. We don't host. We always offer to bring needed foodstuffs (I do love to cook and bake and fudge is my specialty this time of year). There is no December madness in our lives :-)
ReplyDeleteWishing everyone some joy this time of year. Bits of joy among grief, a smile at a wonderful memory, tears for what might have been. All part of this thing we call life.
That's just beautiful, Elle. Thank you. --Elise
DeleteI really like this. I have one gathering and I keep it simple. I just want my family around.
DeleteI love getting with others. We talk a lot about the past and things that went on. That is joy.
I love your last paragraph - YES it is ALL part of life. No way around it.
I love this post Cheryl. I loved spending Christmas with my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins along with some other family members. It was never over the top like some have tried to make the holiday now. I keep it simple and we celebrate from Dec 1 through New Years playing games, watching movies, baking, cooking, going to Christmas programs or seeing lights. Simple joys.
ReplyDeleteOh simple joys. No over the top in my family then either. Some do that today - but they get simple from me!!!
DeleteLove that you spread over the entire month!!!!
Thanks
Very well said, Cheryl. Bravissimo!
ReplyDeleteI'm decorating little by little but also remembering everything I put up, I will have to take down too. : ) My big-little trees are lit up but no ornaments yet. Manger scene is up too, that went up first. : )
And yes, I can understand what it is like to lose someone at Christmas time, and it was such a tragic death of a young man too, we had great plans for him, my step-daddy's nephew, he got himself drunk, came here from the Bronx, NY to get away from people trying to kill him ironically, a handsome Italian guy with blue eyes and went to the wrong apartment door one night, kicked the door in. He was shot by the frightened elderly couple. My mom and stepdad had to fly back to NY with his body using his parents money to care for him to fly his body. My daddy lost his mother when he was a little boy at Christmas time too, his last memory was of he as a little curly blonde headed boy going to see his mommy, his sweet mother at the hospital, she shook (she had been poisoned by the treatment back then in the 30s) him saying "Who are you?!" At Christmas time... Breaks my heart when he told the story in tears. But ya know...He had a wonderful attitude on Christmas but said 'It was a really sh**ty Christmas.' He was then sent to a prep military academy in Mississippi when his dad married quickly, right away, not good. I am named after his Mother, my grandma, Amelia. I remember some fights between my mom and dad every now and then and thought to myself, a child should not have to go through this stuff. I also remember wonderful Christmases with my mom and dad and at my grandparent's house too. So I guess it's like that song, I've looked at life from both sides now by Judy Collins.
Me now? I love Christmas although yes, there were some difficult years I described. I have my own family now and can be the best mom, wife and Mimi to my ability! I love it. We keep it simple but fanciful, we buy the grands, a nice toy and a nice outfit. We give money to our adult kids. Hopefully there will be ministry opportunities too and that makes it *real* Christmas too. We are going to go to the Christian senior citizens and help them stuff Christmas bags in smalltown for the elderly, it should be a blessing and a chance for us to meet nice people.
You are a GEM. Thanks for understanding and allowing us to share our hearts. What a GIFT! (((hugs))) ~Amelia
I got my wreaths up today and my Christmas flag out. It warmed a bit!
DeleteWhat memories. Goodness on the young man, being shot. You just never know what is going on in a life. Losing a parent is hard anytime - at Christmas would be horrible. Would kind of put the kabosh of celebrating. I feel so sorry for Hilogene, Kim, and Sam losing their beloved husbands at Christmas - it just breaks my heart. We are never, ever prepared for those losses.
Ups and downs - life sure has a lot of them. How wonderful going to the senior center. So many are so lonely, that will brighten their days. Pre-Covid - I used to get boxes of cards and write something nice in them and go up the road to the senior center and pass them out to residents. They always smiled! Some got no visitors - so a personal Merry Christmas was enjoyed.
My pleasure to allow people to share. That is what it is all about.
Thank you!
The chamber of commerce in my town does the card gathering for the senior centers in town. The next county over does Senior shoe boxes, I think this is a great idea. It's in conjuction with the food bank for that county.
Delete*Amelia, thank you for sharing your experience. I remember those kinds of arguments between my parents too. I don't like to think about it but it's always there.
*But I still love Christmas. ;)
Cheryl, thanks for listing the names of those who lost their husbands at Christmas, that would be so very horrible. I'll be on the lookout and say special prayers for them too.
DeleteYes, LaurieS, me too. I still love Christmas. : ) Thanks for sharing, it always helps to hear about others, I have a friend who had a very peaceful. and sweet home. She had quit her dentistry to go home, homeschool her girls. She as a child would have to get in the car with her mom and sister at night and go looking for their dad at bars. So it made her try extra hard to have that sweet supper time and all the time. Hubs and I still have supper time together with that "hole" of no kids at the table with us but I guess it's a new normal now. : )
DeleteThe widows here are prayed for every day. Now more than ever as the holidays approach. That includes you, Cheryl.
DeleteThank you - I know there are many widows on here - not just the recent ones. I hold them all in deep caring and prayer. Not something anyone would ever wish on another.
DeleteMargaret, I hear ya. Ditto. Yesterday I had a difficult day with my mom, any problems she's had that caused me pain are even worse now and then she'll turn around and be a sweetheart. I'm a bit ptsd with it because for me, it's lasted for years and has the ability to make me a nervous wreck. Today my husband is having a hard day with his textbook narcissistic mom. So yes, I so get exactly what you are saying, you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you, I try to make up for any weird behaviors being the best Mimi, mom and wife I can be! : ) We have four sweet daughters and three sweet son in laws and four precious little grandchildren. I know what *not* to do! LOL I want to *be* someone they *want* to be around! : )
Thanks for sharing Margaret, hope you are having a sweet Christmas so far.
Very nice post! I learned a long time ago that there is as much grief at Christmas and holidays as there is joy. Now that it's just my husband and I, we enjoy the season in our own way. There isn't really any sadness, just the feeling of a 'hole' as my husband says, of things that used to be but are no more. I think everyone feels this to some degree because regardless of yearly traditions, changes are inevitable and we all have to deal with them.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Bobi. Thank you for putting that into words so well. We miss those who've passed, our sons are grown, much of the family is scattered, and we all adapt to the changes. Hopefully with grace. --Elise
DeleteThank you Bobi. I believe that - the grief and happiness being about equal. You need to make new traditions. I do understand that there being a hole in things now. Yes, things do change, much to our chagrin. We don't have to like it - but yes mam we do have to live with it.
DeleteDeleted my OT comment (above) because this is such a meaningful topic today. --Elise
ReplyDeleteWhile Christmas has always been made special while growing up, there were other days that were not happy for me. I refuse to allow those days to ruin my Christmas celebrations with my immediate family. The time we get to spend together is precious.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Good for you!!! We have to move forward. Yes mam, the time is precious, and I hope each and everyone appreciates that.
DeleteWhatever you're childhood, Margaret, you ended up being extremely lucky. God bless. Cindy/WV
ReplyDeleteYour blog is always a bright, uplifting place. And what you wrote today is so true. Holidays are hard when you lose people you love. For some reason it is feeling hard this year, although nothing major has happened here. I suppose because as the years go on, so many things change. Change is hard. But, I'm trying to focus on the reason we celebrate, and not my feelings so much.
ReplyDeleteChange is very hard - yet it is the only constant thing in life.
DeleteThe REASON is far more important. I hope you find happiness and cheer and can celebrate with your family. Hugs.
Can you ask your readers if anyone knows what is happening with Persimmon Cottage? She has not posted in ages. I worry.
ReplyDeleteI have not followed that blog, so I am not sure. Hopefully someone else will know.
DeleteMy father was the worst in every way. He tried to make Christmas miserable for all of us. My mother was the best mother. She made everything wonderful for us. She sacrificed herself to make Christmas and every other day of the year good for us. I learned what to do from her to make my children happy. I learned from him how to not treat children. Christmas has always been fun for me. I work to make it fun and happy.
ReplyDeletePractical Parsimony
Some people just never know joy at all and try to pass that on to others. That is sad. I am happy you had your mother to make things great for you. Children should be happy - and so many are not. That breaks my heart. May your season be bright.
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