I hope this finds you all well today. I just want to send out a word of advice and a thing or two we all face and need to think about at some point in life.
At some point we are going to be grieving the life we 'thought' we were going to have. Whether it is from loss of a spouse, a child, another family member, a career, a home, or an illness..............whatever.
Loss/change happens at some point.
YES you NEED to grieve the loss. You also need to realize your new life isn't necessarily going to be bad!!! Sure, it will be different in ever so many ways - but it doesn't have to be bad.
You find an inner strength you never knew you had. It is the innate will to live!!!!!!!! Survival is just like living and breathing to me - it is a natural thing.
You figure - you have had the worse day ever in your life to this point - and by golly you are still here. That says sooooooo much!
Always remember - no matter how much you hate to do it - it is OK to ask for help!!!!!!! Most of want to be independent and never want to ask for help. It won't hurt if you do - and it won't make you look weak or bad. You are human and you CAN'T do everything alone.
Things are always better with others.
So hang in there - you got this. You CAN do it!!! Life is a struggle each day, it truly is.
Go through all the stages of loss as long as need be - there is no set time frame. You will know when you are feeling better and when life is indeed worth it again!!!!!!
God gives us each new day. We get each sunrise and sunset. We get all the beauty of nature. We have family and friends that love us.
Take a moment and just enjoy the beauty of the little things. Once you get to that point - then you can enjoy bigger things and moments - then days.
Eventually you will climb the mountain - one step at a time.
God has a plan that we will never understand. Things are in His time - not ours.
Have faith and keep moving. There are many people on this earth that need you and depend on you to be here. The effect you have on others would astound you. It truly would. People you don't even know.
Just remember you ARE the gift someone needs today. You are beautiful and worthy and loved.
Blessings to you all no matter what you are going through.
May God bless you Cheryl, you really are a lovely woman. Louise.
ReplyDeleteThank you, how sweet. God truly has blessed us all.
DeleteThis is a lovely post Cheryl and a great reminder to us all. Life is so short we have to make the best of every day.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post!…I’ve told my kids for years..different doesn’t mean bad…it just means different…although the older I get the more set in my ways I am…not a good thing…thank you Cheryl…Ann
ReplyDeleteI think we all tend to get a bit more set in our ways as we go forward in life. Just natural. Different can sometimes be good. It would be awful boring if everyone was the same!
DeleteThanks
Cheryl, you're such a the optimist! I am the polar opposite. I am on perpetual watch for the other shoe to drop!! It's always nice to see a glimpse of how normal people live. I don't even grieve normally lol.
ReplyDeleteI know there's a whole discussion on normal, but anyone that spends time around me understands lol. They tend to scratch their head and ask how I managed to seem so normal. I gotta laugh.
Normal is whatever is regular for you! There is no right or wrong way. You do you - that is what makes you special.
DeleteCheryl, sometimes you just hit the nail on the head. Thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteSuch encouraging words. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I just want someone to smile today - that maybe would not have!
DeleteExcellent post! You are truly a Spirit-filled woman!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Some days I don't feel that so much - other days OK.
DeleteThank you for this post. This is something I needed to hear with all that I am going thru in the past few months. Bless you.
ReplyDeleteGlad it met with needful ears and eyes today. That makes me happy. Take care.
DeleteThank you, Cheryl. Much appreciated. I know it speaks to many here. Including me. --Elise
ReplyDeleteP.S. I posted the Basha (AZ) grocery store sales on yesterday's post about stocking up if anyone in AZ is interested. Senior Day there today, too.
Glad it met people who needed it today. We all need encouragement from time to time.
DeleteOne of the things I love about your blog, Cheryl, and the commenters here, is the heartfelt encouragement so freely given. It's a rare and precious thing. --Elise
DeleteIt is great isn't it. I love all you gals so much - such a great group
DeleteThank you for this post Cheryl. If sure had helped me today.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me happy. Most welcome.
DeleteBeautiful life truths, the entire thing. The meme is over and above outstanding as well. We truly must encourage one another and lift each other up!
ReplyDeleteI shared the meme with my Sis (mom lives with her) and she LOVES it. She says "thank you". --Elise
DeleteThank you and she is more than welcome
DeleteMost welcome. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAnother great post!! Thank you. : )
ReplyDeleteMore than welcome. Thanks
DeleteOnce again thank you. I feel like you are one of my mentors and when I need lifted up you are there.
ReplyDeleteMy mom passed in early January and we had her memorial over the weekend. I keep waiting for things to get better. But maybe I just need to be alright where I am. Maybe I need to find better things.
Amy
Oh Amy, I am so sorry you are going through this. It hasn't been long, and your feelings are bound to still be very raw. It is FINE to feel however you fell. Take it slow and easy. You can't speed up healing or grief. They both take their sweet time. Huge hugs and just know - she is watching over you and things WILL get better.
DeleteEnjoy tiny moments and memories and smile - it will come.
Prayers for you, Amy.
DeleteAbsolutely agree. It would be so easy to stay angry in grief. As we work through however, joy returns. First in a moment here and there, and eventually long stretches with mostly great memories rather than deep sadness. I remember the day my sister called me and said, "I'm gonna be OK". Hub had died 3y prior when she was just 57y young. Everyone in their own time and on their own path of healing. 10y later, she went on the travel they had planned together-bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteI already knew this however, having a supporting role for Mom in '94 and sis in '07 reinforced to take NO day for granted, to never go to bed angry/upset, to say I love you, to be sure that if i never see hub again, I have no unfinished business, no harsh final words, no regrets, nothing unsaid. Harsh losing Dad at age 33 yet Blessed to have learned these lessons so young. Every day is a Gift!
Hugs to everyone!
Thank you for your testimonials! It always helps when others share. I have just discovered in the past couple months - that I can really, really laugh and not feel guilty. That was huge to realize. The tiniest things bring pleasure. I just love watching the animals and nature. Seeing the buds on plants. Hearing a baby laugh. Little things - but bigger things are now giving joy as well. We all have out own time table - when it is right it is right!
DeleteThank you!!
I really needed to read your words of wisdom today. I always thought our retirement years together would be summers at the beach and doing things with our kids and grandkids. But the reality is that my husband has parkinsons dementia. When he was first diagnosed a few years back I was ready to deal with it but now I see him getting worse much quicker than I ever imagined. My life has changed in so many ways and it is much like grieving for him even though he is still here I am caring for him everyday but he is no longer the person I knew. I really really needed this support today. Thank You!!
ReplyDeleteA prayer has been sent up for you. --Elise
DeleteOh my. I am so sorry for all of that. You ARE grieving loss while taking care of him - your interactions are different. Your life is different. You grieve a different way than when he passes. It is so understandable.
DeleteOur dreams seem to vanish in a blink of an eye for whatever reason. I have to believe that it is to make us stronger in some way and to give us a better way of relating to others.
I am sorry that the dreams you had are not to be - but somewhere, and at some point there will be other dreams. Trust me. My heart goes out to you. You are a good woman and a good wife. Hugs. Prayers sent for you and him.
I am glad this spoke to you in some way today.
First Margaret - THANK YOU! I am blessed to have you here - we all are.
ReplyDeleteHow very sad! 40 years is an awful long time to be bitter and angry. I have been through divorce - and generally (not always) it takes two! Maybe she is still mad at him, maybe she is angry that she may have contributed. Who knows.
So sad - it just seems like 40 years kind of wasted.
I sure hope you have some family that also sees and understands the situation.
PLEASE know there are times we all need help - that is OK!!!! The older we get, the more help we will need. I am glad you are working on not letting her drag you down. That has to be such a frustrating situation.
Lean on your children when you need to. They love you and I bet they would do anything for you. You can break this cycle.
I will pray for her. I just can't imagine being angry for so long.
Keep your head up and know that you are so appreciated and loved. Glad this little blog helps in some way.
Blessings
Cheryl, what a post! You have outdone yourself on this one. I don’t know how to send a heart symbol to you, thank you! It has been five months since Stu passed, and I was thinking yesterday that this new world I am in, without him, is not the future I wanted or that we planned. And for a bit I was sad and frustrated and angry, I eventually moved myself into realization that there is a future out there for me and it will all work out. Thank you again. I am moving forward and mostly okay but, to quote Kim, it is hard. Hilogene in Az
ReplyDeleteHilogene, anger is a HEALTHY part of grief. It's OK and it's OK if you get angry again in the future. Your life has been turned upside down. It's just not "supposed" to be this way!
DeleteHugs to you.
YES - it is hard. So much so. It is all very fresh for you and trust me anger is surely a part of this. I still have days I get angry. I still have talks with him (yes I do). You will be OK - you are doing well in my opinion. But there will always be those days. HUGS and many thoughts as you go through this new life. You will be OK. Take care my friend.
DeleteCheryl
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this , it is beautiful and thought provoking
Mary
Thank you and I am just glad to see it has helped some people.
DeleteSorrow has a way of sneaking up on me sometimes and I think my heart will break *again*. Then I just have to let myself weep over the various losses. The older we are, the more losses we've lived through. And here we are still. :)
ReplyDeleteAt night I say my gratitude prayers - thanks for the children, the grandchildren, pets, garden flowers, friends... and remember to be grateful for the years of joy with those who are gone.
I want to believe... I need to believe... that we'll meet again on the other side.
MaryB
BELIEVE! Yes, it sure does have a way of sneaking up on you. It happens when you least expect it. I think of the conversations and things that won't happen - then I think of the wonderful years we did have and all the silly things we did and the laughter. That helps.
DeleteI think you are right to add those that are gone to our prayers. Thanking God is so very important.
After the death of our daughter when she was 6 life did change, and to some extent changed drastically. We still grieve, but not like we did in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
So sorry Jackie. Prayers for you and your family. Cindy/WV
DeleteOh Jackie I am so sorry. I did not know that. I cannot even imagine. Of course you still grieve. No matter how many years go by, losing a child has got to be the worst loss of all.
DeleteMy sympathies to you. You have a special angel!
Asking for help IS hard but necessary sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is - both things. As we get older there are just some things that we can't do. But being independent is hard to let go of.
DeleteEvery single word of this post resonates with me Cheryl. One big lesson I have learnt with regards to finding who your real friends are is that they are often not who you think they will be! People I thought would be friends for life high-tailed it when hard times hit. People who I thought were mere acquaintances stepped up to the mark and were endlessly helpful and understanding. I hope I can be the same in return.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! I found that as well. Even with family. Those you thought that would be there - not so much. Others that there was less interactions with - jump in and offered the most.
DeleteAnd people change over time as well. I am learning that as well. It is OK - I want genuine people around me.
We learn so much going through loss - and it isn't always good at the time. Hold those TRUE friends close!!!
Thank you for your words of encouragement, Cheryl. I needed to hear them today.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome. I am glad it touched you in some way.
DeleteExcellent advice. Yes, we will definitely grieve the life we thought we would have, but we are strong enough to make it through. 💕
ReplyDeleteYes mam. Here we are! Life sure does throw some curve balls - but we keep going.
Delete