Sunday, April 28, 2019

Gratitude and Change

I have to say that I am total overwhelmed by all the comments.  The love, prayers, sadness and tears shared with me from every corner of the globe is just astounding.  I know I am totally surrounded with love.  I cannot begin to express what it has meant to me.
Every single service person I have had to deal with this week has been absolutely lovely.  All were so kind, compassionate and caring.  I have been hugged and I have been cried with by professionals.  It has been astounding.
My family and friends have surrounded me with love and support.

I have had a lot of loss in my life, but Tuesday was by far the absolute worst day I have ever experienced.  The shock and suddenness and tremendous loss is beyond words.
I am comforted by all the support shown and by knowing that my sweet husband is in the Lord's presence.
Everything about my life changed Tuesday morning.  It will never be the same.  I don't know why or what direction life will take, but I give it to God to direct me and hold me up.

I will have a second worst day this Tuesday when I see my sweet Glen's actual face for the last time.  I then have to figure out things about going forward.
I will need to check his retirement and social security accounts and insurance eventually.  He set his retirement up so that I would also receive full benefits for the rest of my life.  I have to work on paying bills - he paid everything online -  and I don't have a clue how to do that.  Needless to say I will be visiting with the bank a bit.  He did make sure that I would be OK financially, for that I am grateful.
I have to get used to new routines.  My life was very structured with him and now nothing.  I do have my sweet kitties to take care of and my nature - so I have some things to do each day that are important.

My kitties are so confused.  Lilly eats her breakfast in the morning, then goes in and lays in "daddies" spot on the bed all day.  Both have gotten sick a couple times this week.  Their world turned upside down as well.  They sleep with me at night, and Coogy loves on me constantly.

I do believe my blog posts will be changing some as well. 
I will not be doing bargain hunting and shopping for a long time.  Goodness knows I have enough food here to feed an army, let alone just me.  I well imagine my only food purchases will maybe be milk and something fresh.

I probably won't have weekly menus to share for quite a while.  How interesting and varied can it be when it's only me?  Soup, sandwiches, a salad or cheese isn't much to write about.

That big garden I had planned for this year - will be much smaller.  There will be no need.  I will grow enough for myself and maybe my neighbor and maybe a few things to make 'canned' gifts from.
So please be with me as things evolve - as I am sure they will.

I look around and wonder why do I have all this stuff?  My sweet man was an absolute pack-rat on his own!  WHY oh why did he keep so much paperwork and stuff?  Eventually I will get through things and figure it all out.

So for now, I will go forward one day at a time.  I will see the joy again I am sure - but it will take time.  Glen would want me to be happy and continue on a positive path of life.  That I know for sure.
He is in every nook and cranny of this house and I do feel surrounded by his presence and love.

Again, thank you all for all the beautiful thoughts and words.  It means so much.
Hang in there with me - as I will get back on track soon.

Love harder, hug tighter, and speak kinder every day.
God bless you all my sweet, sweet friends.  I love you all.


  1. (((((Cheryl))))) My heart goes out to you. We'll be here for you thru the changes. Love, hugs and prayers to you always.

  2. God bless you. We will all be here. Take your time. There is no rush. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Sending you lots of prayers and hugs. -Marybeth

  3. Many hugs go out to you. Just take things slow. No major decisions for at least a year. I have been through that you are now going through. It is hard but life will be good again but different. And that is OK. One day and one thing at a time. You have many praying for you and in their prayers. I hope you find peace.

    1. I second Karen's advice about waiting a year to make any major decisions. My friend is at month 6 right now and she said things are still falling in place and she's glad she's held off and will continue to do so until she sees her new normal...whatever that will be.

      Take your time, breathe deeply, let your kitties love on you. They know you're hurting. When my mom was home on hospice, I slept on the sofa next to her bed. My sweet dog, in her last months, would come over and put her head on mine. She knew.

      Take care, Cheryl.

  4. Oh my dear friend, my heart is with you as you walk this path. I have had you in my thoughts and prayers since I read your post and know that I pray and mourn with you. Stay as strong as you can but don't feel bad f you just want to scream and cry out as that is okay. Wish I was there with you.

  5. Thinking of you as you make your way through this upcoming week. Although I've only been reading your blog for a short time, I get the impression you're a strong woman and will come through this period even stronger. Take care of yourself and lean on those close to you.

  6. prayers are being sent your way. Please take your time and don't rush anything.

  7. I agree with several posters---no major decisions for at least a year. You need that time to grieve and adjust. The one major thing you need to do ASAP is notify his retirement entity, social security, and insurance. There are rules, particularly with SS, that must be followed in this situation. You want to make sure the transition is made smoothly. Is there a trusted family member, friend, attorney, or accountant who can help you with all of these things? Praying for you now and in the days and weeks to come.

  8. I've been thinking about you since your post. The first weeks are so busy. Take things gently and get help from everyone.
    Virtual hugs from Suffolk England

  9. Just read this post and am praying for you, for God's comfort in this awful time. Hope that everything gets sorted for you easily and you must take time to grieve.

    Like Sue in Suffolk virtual hugs from Pat in Norfolk, England

  10. Cheryl, take your time. Come back when you are ready. We will be here. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

  11. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending love. I am so glad that you have support and help around you.
    May you have strength to face the days ahead.
    Pam in Texas.x

  12. So glad you are getting lots of love and support in such a distressing time. Thinking of you.

  13. Cheryl, Thinking of you as you go through the trying time. I'm so glad your surrounded by so many people that care about you.

  14. Sending hugs and prayers and lots of love.

  15. Hugs to you and right now, your focus should be entirely on you as you go through transitions and adjustments. You deserve it. Glen was certainly a very very fortunate man to have been loved by you and I am sure that he did know itand was so grateful for you as his wife and as the love of his life. A very fortunate man indeed. Take care of yourself dear Cheryl - take time - give away time- do not worry about time. Cheryl is all that matters right now. With Love and blessings for a measure of peace. Susan

  16. God’s Gift of Time

    We all need a time to grieve –
    quiet time for reflection
    to sift through memories
    and come to grips
    with what has happened.

    We all need a time for tears,
    not for the one who is now
    at peace in heaven,
    but for ourselves as we realize
    that things will never be the same.

    We all need a time to just “be,”
    when we can open ourselves to God
    and let the reassurance
    of His everlasting love
    start to heal our broken hearts.

    Praying for you and wishing you peace.

  17. You have so been in my thoughts and prayers these last few days! Give yourself plenty of time and be very gentle with yourself. Accept others kindness....God works through others to help meet our needs. I am sure hugging on you through the computer!!!

  18. Repeating what others have said, take your time. We are here for you. Whatever God has for you in the upcoming months will be enough. In the meantime, we send hugs and prayers and cyber hand-holding and tears and concern and friendship.

  19. ((Hugs)) my sweet friend! I can't get you off my mind. 💗💗💗

  20. Dear Cheryl,
    Have been thinking of you often since hearing your sad news. God bless and we will be waiting for you when you are ready to return to. From Liz K in Cranebrook Aust.

  21. Tomorrow (Tuesday) will be a difficult day for you...thinking of you...sending hugs...Jane

  22. Hugs, hugs, hugs! I can not imagine. Wrapping you up in love and prayers for your own time. Ndon't let anyone rush you on that either. XOXOXO

  23. Sending you much love and hugs to get through tomorrow. Take your time and we'll be right here with whatever your blog evolves into. You are so loved and cherished by us all!

  24. You have been in my thoughts all week. Sending you love and hugs. We are here for you always. If you need any help don't be afraid to ask. Don't be afraid to lean on us through this time of mourning. You are not alone. Take things slow and find one blessing every day. When you find a blessing it gives your loved ones a kiss in heaven. Angels send blessings.

  25. You've gotten some wonderful advice. I agree with the above, take things slowly, no big changes for a while. That said, do what it is you need to to make adjustments to whatever it is that fulfills your soul. Don't isolate yourself and do whatever brings you joy (if you find that you'd rather grow a bigger garden, do that, and donate the excess to a food pantry, for example). We're always here for you, you've been on my mind a lot these past days. Sending you love. <3

  26. Cheryl you are doing well. Yes life will change. Routine will change. But God has a big purpose and plans for you. For now take your time nurture yourself. You would still be in shock really. But so many are praying for you and I am one of them! xxx

  27. Cheryl - I have thought and prayed for you so often since I read your sad post. I will be especially praying for you tomorrow that God will uphold you and you will know He is near! Blessings to you and your family.

  28. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

  29. Cheryl, Thoughts and prayers are with you as you go about this most difficult day.

  30. I am late finding you. I found you through a friend. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I have been through three bouts of cancer with my hubby-the last one he only a 3$ chance of beating it--but he did. I am lucky but I knew, like you, that if he ended up on a ventilator with no hope for recovery that I would have to make that tough call. God bless you as you move forward. I know it will be tough but I believe that you are a strong woman and that you can do this. Blessings- xo Diana

    I am your newest follower

  31. Cheryl, 'Hugz' to you and continued prayers as you find your new normal.

  32. Thinking of and praying for you today as you see your sweetie's face again. I know that you are a strong woman but know that it is okay to not try to be so strong for awhile. You will need to go through the waves of grief at your own pace and in your own way. Glen sounds like a wonderful man that totally loved and adored you and wanted to make sure that you would be well taken care of. What an act of love to make sure that financially, you would be fine. When you are ready, I would love to hear more about your life together over the years. Maybe it will help you to write down and share those wonderful times. He sounds like an absolute gem. Much love to you my friend.

  33. Do what you want at this time. Don't let others give "advice" and just take it blindly. Everyone has their own time to grieve. My dad has been gone almost 4 years and my mom is just now finding her new normal. She continued to live and find the things that gave her joy but put off big decisions. If you need to make a decision or get information like at Social Security or Retirement $ issues taking a trusted friend or family member with you to be another set of ears helps. Sometimes it will just all feel like too much and you'll need to step back. Well here I am giving advice. Sorry. Take your time, be kind to yourself and let your kitties, family and friends love on you. Take care and prayers sent for you.

  34. A great source of information is a daily radio host named Dave Ramsey. You can find a radio station he's on or go to his website and listen or download his free podcast. His advice is biblical based and will be a great help to you as you take on the financial steps that will allow you to handle your accounts, and his guests often discuss all the issues you're dealing with right now. Blessings to you as you work your way through your grief. We are all here to listen and offer what insight we have.